Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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