Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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