Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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