i may or may not be watching the land before time
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.