Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...