dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
