What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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