So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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