she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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