You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
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grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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