Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
