I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
