It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
