I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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