i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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