is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
