I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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