mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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