Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
