You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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