Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
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Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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