she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize