He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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