I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i out mim tonsoeep
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