Moan for me like Helen Keller
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
