Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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