I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
