Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i think i just lost a toe