Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
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