Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.