That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"