i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
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We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.