So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!