dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down