i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?