Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
