The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
