escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
