I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
