Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
