The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize