Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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