Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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