she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can I color on your dick again?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
