i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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