that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
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just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.