hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he shaved USA in his pubs
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.