i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day