I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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