Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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