my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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