Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
