she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
