I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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