My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
