i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
there is glitter all over my balls
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