i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
