she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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