He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
