I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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