Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
